I Heart Me Some Superslab Gators and Misty Dawns

I loves me some gator on hot superslab for breakfast lunch or dinner. My Harley powers down the highway like a predatory beast chewin up the miles with no fear of them sinister gators and their unruly hides barrin our path. Gators come in all shapes and sizes and even the smallest of them can give you an instant laundry problem in your tidy whities ... or a quick trip to the hospital or the morgue for those less fortunate to tangle with one unexpectedly. My Harley shows no sign of backin down when she spies one of the ornery critters laying all innocent like on the concrete roadway and it is up to me to reign her in and put a little heel to her to steer her head around the rubbery monster she really shouldn’t mess with. She seems to forget that night a few months back when we were plowin through the night at seventy-five or eighty on that Kentucky superslab with Captain Hawkeye when that big ass gator snuck up on us out of the blackness and nearly swallowed us whole. I know I about shit my britches and screamed like a girl as my pelvis was rammed up through my rib cage and my sweetheart Harley bucked like a crazy mare who’d seen a rattlesnake. We come through it all right but I have the emotional scars and still wake up from nightmares to that girlie scream and sweatin like a pig. Now I know them gators move around at night and bein all nocturnal and all and not just lazin around sleeping on the hot superslab in the day time. My dear Super Glide Custom has a tendency to quickly forget and she recons that she got through that one all right so what’s to worry about running up on another one. I love her but she can be so damn hard headed at times when it comes to cutting her own path down the highway.


No, I am not talkin about THAT kind of gator ...
I'm talkin about THIS kind of gator ... a frakkin Road Gator!


A friend of mine used to hunt superslab gators on his bike. But he rode a rice burner ... er ... metric cruiser with a Japanese name. He didn’t much care about basic maintenance and such on his bike and he was pretty fearless ... translate “fearless” as ignorant as hell ... and he bragged about killin gators with his iron (aluminum and plastic) steed and made a game of gator jumpin like he was one of them Jack*Ass movie stars or somethin. Well, one day he called me and was actin all giddy like and shoutin into the phone about tryin to jump the biggest dang gator he’d ever laid eyes on and it about killed him and how he totaled his P.O.S. Japanese named bike but he still killed the beast and how the insurance man was goin to give him a ton-o-money and he was goin to get himself a real man’s bike like mine and he, in fact, had made so much money by wrecking his bike and killing that gator that he was going to get himself a custom made one of a kind chopper-iffic motorcycle babe-magnet make your Momma cry bike to end all biker wet dreams from here on in. Yeah, he talked all funny like that for real.

I didn’t hear from my friend for a couple of months and then I got an e-mail from him with this picture attached ...


Now you can probably guess at my amazement that he indeed done gone and built himself a custom made one of a kind chopper-iffic motorcycle babe-magnet make your Momma cry bike to end all biker wet dreams from here on in real man’s bike. But I was not so convinced that it was really the alleged motorcycle babe magnet he had dreamed it would be and I told him so. A couple days later he sent me another email with THIS picture attached.


Yep, I loves me some superslab gators, but I ain’t got the kahunas to do what my buddy did ... even for another Misty Dawn potential out there. Which is probably for the best as I don’t think there’s enough room in this world for another superslab gator bike ... or another Misty Dawn :)