Dream Rangers and False Prophets

Not even a pending apocalypse could keep these Taiwanese gentlemen bikers from living the wonderful experience of two-wheel therapy. Reliving memories of their youth and bravely denying "circumstances" and fear from squelching their desires to LIVE. Life is something we are supposed to live ... not just let happen to us.

Thank goodness none of them were influenced by the likes of our False Prophet, Reverend Harold Camping.

Harold Camping, the radio evangelical preacher now says he "miscalculated" (again) in his predictions that May 21, 2011, would be Judgement Day and the Rapture. Um, actually those are supposed to be two separate major events separated by a specific period of time ... according to the Bible. But, I guess in Reverend Camping's world its all just a game of numbers he randomly picks and chooses from "God's Word" since he's obviously the only one smart (or is that "devious") enough to interpret them and prepare the Flock for their imminent departure from the fleshly realm.

Camping is not retreating from his end of the world on October 21st predictions, though. He says that God has spared humanity five months of hell on Earth but the apocalypse would still happen right on schedule ... Camping's schedule apparently ... on the 21st of October come rain or shine or hell or high water. Hold it. Hell and High Water may be part of the end, my bad.

Some of Camping's followers gave away everything they owned since they would not be needing them once they rose naked into the air with the resurrected corpses to meet Jesus in the clouds. They were so convinced that Camping was right (this time) and they would be spared the horrors of an angry God hell-bent on killing billions of people and finally destroying the entire planet in five months.

Mr. Camping was hiding out in a motel room with his wife ... probably fearful of being tarred and feathered and run out of town on a rail or stoned to death like the Bible says should happen to all false prophets who miss predictions.

The penalty for false prophecy, is capital punishment (per Deuteronomy 18:20)."But a prophet who presumes to speak in my name anything I have not commanded him to say, or a prophet who speaks in the name of other gods, must be put to death."In summary, the biblical standards for a false prophet, it is forbidden to speak in the name of a god other than YHWH.[citation needed] Likewise, if a prophet makes a prophecy in the name of YHWH that does not come to pass, that is another sign that he is not commissioned of YHWH and that the people need not fear the false prophet.(Deuteronomy 18:22)

Oh, that's right, that is part of the Bible Camping selectively disregards ... not a lot of profit in that one.

When Camping was asked if he had any advice to offer those who had given away everything in the belief the world was about to end, he almost smugly said, "We just had a great recession. There are lots of people who lost their jobs, lots of people who lost their houses... and somehow they all survived." Wow, how's that for compassion for the thousands you duped and ripped off? Oh, and then he added, "We're not in the business of giving any financial advice, we're in the business of telling people maybe there is someone you can talk to, and that's God." What an absolute asshat! Yeah, they better talk to God because they are not going to get any truth or sense or financial remuneration out of you, Mr. False Prophet Camping!

CDC Approved Zombie Apocalypse Kickin' Up Mud

Playboy puts fifty-seven years of hot naked women online at outrageous prices. Playboy will provide every page of every issue since it began in 1953. The catch is that they are offering it only as a subscription service for eight dollars a month, $60 per year and $100 for two years. Really? I mean, I realize there are over 130,000 pages of Playboy goodness there but who would pay that much money? Heck, who knows how many real pages of just pictures of the famous Playboy women there are. I'll bet over 50% of those 130,000 pages don't even have any naked women on them. What a waste of disk space and bandwidth ... I mean, from the subscribers' perspective, which I am not one. Just sayin'. Okay, so it's optimized for the iPad ... big whoop.

Well, it's official. The Center for Disease Control (CDC) posted the official guidelines for preparation for and surviving the impending Zombie Apocalypse that Bonez writers have long foretold. I think the CDC should consult E as it appears they have some of their zombie behavior "facts" a little askew. I am still confused on the ones that eat brains and the ones that just eat human flesh. Which ones are the shamblers and which ones are the cognitive ones who can actually talk and run? It seems to me the information is not nearly sufficient and the CDC should invest in hiring some real zombie experts like E to get the facts straight and thereby maybe ... just maybe saving a few more lives. There is still a lot of good advice, though. For instance, under the emergency plans section, number four, 'Plan your evacuation route' says, "When zombies are hungry they won’t stop until they get food (i.e., brains), which means you need to get out of town fast! Plan where you would go and multiple routes you would take ahead of time so that the flesh eaters don’t have a chance!" Wait, aren't zombies always hungry? And exactly WHY are they hungry? They're effin' DEAD, for goodness sake. Why would a dead and putrefying mindless corpse need sustenance at all? Okay, these are deeper questions than I am not trained to answer so I hope E will respond and shed some light on this matter.

Further proof the zombie apocalypse is looming in our near future is the fact that companies are building zombie-proof structures to protect the lucky few from the insatiable zombie hordes. Not only are these underground bunkers zombie-proof but they are even luxurious by most survivalist standards. You can get into the cheap ones at about $25,000.00 per person which sounds pretty damn cheap when you consider that alternative of becoming zombie food and/or a zombie yourself. I guess these shelters are the next logical step to the old skool fallout and tornado shelters I grew up with. These concrete and steel reinforced underground mansions may provide the answer to the survival of our species and I am looking for the nearest one to give my twenty-five grand to hold my reservation. Wonder if I can pick my room colors and carpet pattern ... To celebrate the embarrassing "I told ya' so" moment for a select few zealot evangelical fundamentalist Christian followers of the two-time prophetic loser, Harold Camping, I leave this post with a masterful mash-up rendition of Blondie's Debbie Harry and the Doors entitled "Rapture Riders". Apropos, don't ya' think? Not very Christian of them to be so eager to rise up to meet Jesus while thumbing their noses at the remaining six billion plus souls who were to die horribly. People killed by an egotistical, jealous God ... doesn't that amount to infanticide against his own spirit children of Earth? Guess his commandments don't apply to him. Guess you can break the rules if you make them. Still, that does not warrant the Campingites belligerent sanctimonious holier than thou judgmental bullshit behavior against the rest of humanity. Shame Shame Shame. ἐδάκρυσεν ὁ Ἰησοῦς Jesus wept.

Doom Death Destruction and Other Fun Stuff

I have sat on my blog butt and contemplated the lint in my virtual bellybutton instead of writing for the last few days and that is more than long enough. It seems like weeks already but it has only been a short time since I posted my critically acclaimed and highly circulated "Don't Throw The Tail Away That's Good Eatin'!". I refuse to bask in the daily flood of fan mail and cannot afford to sit on my laurels. Hmmm, actually sitting on my laurels sounds sort of painful as my laurels are fairly sensitive and quite possibly one of my erogenous zones. Oh, um, yes, as I was saying, I will not continue my self-imposed mini-hiatus from Bonez and vow to break the lag between posts today with this erratic and esoteric item for your blog consumption. Bon Appétit.

R.I.P. Yvette Vickers, former Playboy bunny (1959) and SciFi B-Movie Queen.

I know that Mr. Camping is totally wrong on his hysterical predictions of the end of the world because I am going on a long motorcycle ride with friends in Kentucky the weekend after. It's sort of like knowing it is going to rain if you wash your car. Know what I mean? It's quantum mechanics or something or other like where the heck do those missing socks and g-strings go when they disappear out of the dryer? It's frakking bewildering, isn't it? I just know that these poor evangelical fundamentalist doomsayers are going to be spending that weekend hiding from the press and recanting their predictions because of some "new" biblical evidence that was found on May 22nd. Sheesh. Hey, this is not the first time these sort of party poopers have done this and worked themselves up in a lather over bizarre biblical interpretation. I say let them interpret to their hearts' desire. That's their right and I will defend it to the death but don't go telling me about how scary and mean and vengeful their loving God is who will only save a few hundred thousand lucky souls while the rest of the 6.5 billion people cook on the slow roasting spit of eternal hellfire and unimaginable torment. Yeah. Wow, now isn't just like a God of Love for you? So damn fickle to say the least. Love ya one minute and burn ya the next. These are the same folks that probably think it was cool that God struck Japan with the earthquakes and tsunamis .... and are excited about all the death and destruction God is going to exact on America (according to them) ... wow, sounds more like they are praising their boogie man, Satan, and not their "amazing loving God of mercy".