Dream Rangers and False Prophets

Not even a pending apocalypse could keep these Taiwanese gentlemen bikers from living the wonderful experience of two-wheel therapy. Reliving memories of their youth and bravely denying "circumstances" and fear from squelching their desires to LIVE. Life is something we are supposed to live ... not just let happen to us.

Thank goodness none of them were influenced by the likes of our False Prophet, Reverend Harold Camping.

Harold Camping, the radio evangelical preacher now says he "miscalculated" (again) in his predictions that May 21, 2011, would be Judgement Day and the Rapture. Um, actually those are supposed to be two separate major events separated by a specific period of time ... according to the Bible. But, I guess in Reverend Camping's world its all just a game of numbers he randomly picks and chooses from "God's Word" since he's obviously the only one smart (or is that "devious") enough to interpret them and prepare the Flock for their imminent departure from the fleshly realm.

Camping is not retreating from his end of the world on October 21st predictions, though. He says that God has spared humanity five months of hell on Earth but the apocalypse would still happen right on schedule ... Camping's schedule apparently ... on the 21st of October come rain or shine or hell or high water. Hold it. Hell and High Water may be part of the end, my bad.

Some of Camping's followers gave away everything they owned since they would not be needing them once they rose naked into the air with the resurrected corpses to meet Jesus in the clouds. They were so convinced that Camping was right (this time) and they would be spared the horrors of an angry God hell-bent on killing billions of people and finally destroying the entire planet in five months.

Mr. Camping was hiding out in a motel room with his wife ... probably fearful of being tarred and feathered and run out of town on a rail or stoned to death like the Bible says should happen to all false prophets who miss predictions.

The penalty for false prophecy, is capital punishment (per Deuteronomy 18:20)."But a prophet who presumes to speak in my name anything I have not commanded him to say, or a prophet who speaks in the name of other gods, must be put to death."In summary, the biblical standards for a false prophet, it is forbidden to speak in the name of a god other than YHWH.[citation needed] Likewise, if a prophet makes a prophecy in the name of YHWH that does not come to pass, that is another sign that he is not commissioned of YHWH and that the people need not fear the false prophet.(Deuteronomy 18:22)

Oh, that's right, that is part of the Bible Camping selectively disregards ... not a lot of profit in that one.

When Camping was asked if he had any advice to offer those who had given away everything in the belief the world was about to end, he almost smugly said, "We just had a great recession. There are lots of people who lost their jobs, lots of people who lost their houses... and somehow they all survived." Wow, how's that for compassion for the thousands you duped and ripped off? Oh, and then he added, "We're not in the business of giving any financial advice, we're in the business of telling people maybe there is someone you can talk to, and that's God." What an absolute asshat! Yeah, they better talk to God because they are not going to get any truth or sense or financial remuneration out of you, Mr. False Prophet Camping!

End Of The World More Fun Than Anticipated

Scientists, Theologians, Political Pundits, Celebrities (including Saint Britney below) and regular ol' Joes and Janes on the street are predicting that the End of the World (EOTW) will be much more fun than first anticipated.

Saint Britney tells us in her sacred music video that we can get all sweaty at our local Rave with tons of hot twenty-somethings and dance the apocalypse away in the sewers. Imagine how wonderful it will be when we all emerge from the manholes with the beautiful sun shining just as it always has and the EOTW nowhere in sight. Now THAT is a message of hope and peace and not one of death, doom, destruction, and insane angry Gods. Gods who love us so much that they are insanely jealous and will kill every living creature and blow up their universe to show us just how pissed they really are at their loving spirit children. "THERE! Take THAT you naughty little children that I Love so dearly." "Bad Earth, I have to blow you up to show you just how much I really really Love you!"

Of course, Jesus the Christ himself told everyone that this sort of stupid thing would happen and that many would come out of nowhere crying, "The end is near!" and that they possessed some sort of secret knowledge to save us all and some would even claim to be the Messiah him/herself. In fact, some of these false prophets will be so convincing that they could or would deceive even the sanest and staunch true Believer ... like these guys who are obviously totally oblivious to the insanity, they are destroying their very lives, businesses, and families with. Wonder what they will be doing the morning of May 22nd, 2011 ...

I know, I know, I know ... why would Harold Camping and his horde of mindless zombie followers listen to what Jesus Christ said? They nor the established "church" have ever taken anything he really said to heart or they would not be in between the rock and a hard place they find themselves in on this eve of doomsday.

Wanna know what really pisses me off? What makes me really angry are how many people will be misled or deceived into having a really bad Saturday instead of enjoying it to its fullest potential. How many poor, unable to think for themselves folks will end their own lives or do stupid things like selling all their junk and stand in the middle of the street naked, arms raised to the skies waiting to embrace the returning Jesus in the clouds. Of course, only "born again Christians" will be so lucky to be snatched up out of harm's way of the worldwide earthquake ... yet that Christian God Loves EVERYONE ... wow, talk about a mixed message.

It is my opinion that Harold Camping and his ilk are emotional vampire dicks who feed off of the fear and guilt they generate through deception and terroristic stories of eternal damnation and suffering. They gain their false sense of power from how many people they can dupe into believing them as authorities on what God really wants. Yeah, like God really wants you to give these jerks your money and your very soul. Asshats.

Oh, and to think that it took the "Gay Movement" in America to finally tick God off enough to pull the plug on his/her entire creation. So, Harold Camping is personifying God with his own homophobic tendencies. Guess you can't burn the Gays without a little collateral damage ... like THE ENTIRE HUMAN FRAKKIN RACE! Sheesh.

If there is a Hell then Harold Camping and others like him have their own special reserved torture chambers awaiting them.

Doom Death Destruction and Other Fun Stuff

I have sat on my blog butt and contemplated the lint in my virtual bellybutton instead of writing for the last few days and that is more than long enough. It seems like weeks already but it has only been a short time since I posted my critically acclaimed and highly circulated "Don't Throw The Tail Away That's Good Eatin'!". I refuse to bask in the daily flood of fan mail and cannot afford to sit on my laurels. Hmmm, actually sitting on my laurels sounds sort of painful as my laurels are fairly sensitive and quite possibly one of my erogenous zones. Oh, um, yes, as I was saying, I will not continue my self-imposed mini-hiatus from Bonez and vow to break the lag between posts today with this erratic and esoteric item for your blog consumption. Bon Appétit.

R.I.P. Yvette Vickers, former Playboy bunny (1959) and SciFi B-Movie Queen.

I know that Mr. Camping is totally wrong on his hysterical predictions of the end of the world because I am going on a long motorcycle ride with friends in Kentucky the weekend after. It's sort of like knowing it is going to rain if you wash your car. Know what I mean? It's quantum mechanics or something or other like where the heck do those missing socks and g-strings go when they disappear out of the dryer? It's frakking bewildering, isn't it? I just know that these poor evangelical fundamentalist doomsayers are going to be spending that weekend hiding from the press and recanting their predictions because of some "new" biblical evidence that was found on May 22nd. Sheesh. Hey, this is not the first time these sort of party poopers have done this and worked themselves up in a lather over bizarre biblical interpretation. I say let them interpret to their hearts' desire. That's their right and I will defend it to the death but don't go telling me about how scary and mean and vengeful their loving God is who will only save a few hundred thousand lucky souls while the rest of the 6.5 billion people cook on the slow roasting spit of eternal hellfire and unimaginable torment. Yeah. Wow, now isn't just like a God of Love for you? So damn fickle to say the least. Love ya one minute and burn ya the next. These are the same folks that probably think it was cool that God struck Japan with the earthquakes and tsunamis .... and are excited about all the death and destruction God is going to exact on America (according to them) ... wow, sounds more like they are praising their boogie man, Satan, and not their "amazing loving God of mercy".