Large Hadron Collider for Dummies

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Finally, a Large Hadron Collider (LHC) explanation for the rest of us and those who still don't get it after the viral LHC rap video. I call this video the "Large Hadron Collider for Dummies" since it presents such an easy to understand simplification of the LHC project. But, even this child's explanation of the atom smashing process does little to belay my concerns over the potential destruction of the Earth through the creation of mini black holes at CERN. Is the true but secret function of the largest machines on earth to open a portal to an alternate dimension? Are the scientists unwitting lackeys of a dimensional alien race hellbent on invading our dimension and subjugating or annihilating humans? I must admit (blush) I was somewhat thrilled and relieved to learn of the LHC failure due to a faulty transformer shortly after its activation. "Take that you hyper dimensional alien bastards!" Serves 'em right for fiddly fartin' around with God's handiwork, I sez. Not really, but have you given even the slightest thought what collision of fast as light nuclei could do to our environment? Outside of sucking the entire Earth into a pin prick sized hole in milliseconds, I mean. Think about it! What about all the frakkin' natural (or unnatural alien-induced) disasters these wicked devices of human destruction may spawn? Earthquakes, hurricanes, tsunamis, trans fats, hairballs and (gasp!) frakkin' global warming and the melting of the ice caps! OMG (pronounced Oh Em Gee), what evil may befall us all because of the naive ignorance of the most brilliant minds on our planet? Hey, a little psychotic paranoia never hurt anyone.

[Brought to my attention by Doodface]