Of Ham and Eggs of Green

I thought I'd change things up a bit this post. Instead of focusing on any kind of real world event, current or historic, or blathering on for ages about some topic that many Bonez readers have little to no interest in, I thought I might just reach into the dusty vault of work I had committed to 1's and 0's before my emergence at Bonez.

Instead of presenting something new or original, (let's face it, that's SO 2006), I thought I'd befoul this place with a small piece of my own personal literature. Does this story have any real value? No. But truthfully, it amuses me greatly.

Allow me to give a little background on it before I present it. A certain woman who is very near and dear to me used to present me with challenges in order to keep my writing chops up. We had recently been on a rather long car trip together, and to amuse ourselves over the long miles we played some books on tape. One such tape contained 18th century tales of horror, and the stories, while good, were written in such a poncy language that we could not help but laugh at them. She soon thereafter requested that I construct a piece in that heavy, overdone language. This is what came out of that.

For the purposes of space, I will not include the entire tale of terror here. Should you wish to see the whole thing, (for reasons I cannot possibly fathom), I will provide a link at the end to the remainder of the tale. I hope you find it amusing, I know I do.

Mere moments had passed since my morning respite, and I, feeling quite refreshed and eager to face the day’s challenges had nestled myself snugly into my favorite chair, perchance to rest just a bit longer.

Suddenly, I heard the sound. It was that of boot on cobblestone, ratcheting the air and befouling my repose with its blasphemous clatter. I clasped my hands to my ears, ratiocinating under duress that mayhap if I could not hear the commotion approaching, then indeed this very act would cease its infernal racket. But unfortunately, it was not to be, for out in the distance, on the horizon, a figure appeared, bathed in shadow its name and meaning a beguiling mystery to me.

The dark figure neared, and as it approached I became keenly aware of a placard being held aloft by the mysterious figure. My mind awash with curiosity, I had no choice but to stare at the unholy visage as it passed.

The sign was simple, and bore but three words. “Samuel I am”, and as quickly as he had appeared, the stranger once again disappeared into shadow.

Click here for the spine-tingling conclusion!!!!

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