Thursday, March 05, 2009

Finally Getting It

A time comes in your life when you finally get it.

When in the midst of all your fears and insanity you stop dead in your tracks and somewhere the voice inside your head cries out - ENOUGH!

Enough fighting and crying or struggling to hold on. And, like a child quieting down after a blind tantrum, your sobs begin to subside, you shudder once or twice, you blink back your tears and through a mantle of wet lashes you begin to look at the world through new eyes.

This is your awakening. You realize that it's time to stop hoping and waiting for something to change or for happiness, safety and security to come galloping over the next horizon. You come to terms with the fact that he is not Prince Charming and you are not Cinderella and that in the real world there aren't always fairy tale endings (or beginnings for that matter) and that any guarantee of "happily ever after" must begin with you and in the process a sense of serenity is born of acceptance.

You awaken to the fact that you are not perfect and that not everyone will always love, appreciate or approve of who or what you are...and that's OK. (They are entitled to their own views and opinions.) And you learn the importance of loving and championing yourself. And, in the process, a sense of new found confidence is born of self-approval. You stop bitching and blaming other people for the things they did to you (or didn't do for you) and you learn that the only thing you can really count on is the unexpected.

You learn that people don't always say what they mean or mean what they say and that not everyone will always be there for you and that it's not always about you. So, you learn to stand on your own and to take care of yourself. And, in the process, a sense of safety & security is born of self-reliance.

You stop judging and pointing fingers and you begin to accept people as they are and to overlook their shortcomings and human frailties. And, in the process, a sense of peace & contentment is born of forgiveness. You realize that much of the way you view yourself, and the world around you, is as a result of all the messages and opinions that have been ingrained into your psyche.

And you begin to sift through all the crap you've been fed about how you should behave, how you should look and how much you should weigh what you should wear and where you should shop and what you should drive how and where you should live and what you should do for a living who you should sleep with who you should marry and what you should expect of a marriage, the importance of having and raising children or what you owe your parents.

You learn to open up to new worlds and different points of view. And you begin reassessing and redefining who you are what you really stand for.

You learn the difference between wanting and needing and you begin to discard the doctrines and values you've outgrown, or should never have bought into to begin with and in the process you learn to go with your instincts.

You learn that it is truly in giving that we receive. And that there is power and glory in creating and contributing and you stop maneuvering through life merely as a "consumer" looking for your next fix.

You learn that principles such as honesty and integrity are not the outdated ideals of a by gone era but the mortar that holds together the foundation upon which you must build a life.

You learn that you don't know everything, it's not your job to save the world and that you can't teach a pig to sing. You learn to distinguish between guilt and responsibility and the importance of setting boundaries and learning to say NO. You learn that the only cross to bear is the one you choose to carry and that martyrs get burned at the stake.

Then you learn about love. Romantic love and familial love. How to love, how much to give in love, when to stop giving and when to walk away. You learn not to project your needs or your feelings onto a relationship. You learn that you will not be, more beautiful, more intelligent, more lovable or important because of the man on your arm or the child that bears your name.

You learn to look at relationships as they really are and not as you would have them be. You stop trying to control people, situations and outcomes.

You learn that just as people grow and change so it is with love.... and you learn that you don't have the right to demand love on your terms ... just to make you happy. And, you learn that alone does not mean lonely...

And you look in the mirror and come to terms with the fact that you will never be a size 5 or a perfect 10 and you stop trying to compete with the image inside your head and agonizing over how you "stack up." You also stop working so hard at putting your feelings aside, smoothing things over and ignoring your needs. You learn that feelings of entitlement are perfectly OK.... and that it is your right to want things and to ask for the things that you want... and that sometimes it is necessary to make demands.

You come to the realization that you deserve to be treated with love, kindness, sensitivity and respect and you won't settle for less.

Clay Daughtry [NFI]

16 comments:

EuroYank said...

Tony - in theory all you said is true, but sometimes its just better to buy the bitch and get all you need and more. You end up paying for it one way or another. So get real - buy a bitch, get down, get all the things you never got at home, and then you do not have to go through all these psychological traumas and spend your time writing such posts!

Thinkinfyou said...

I like that. I just wish I was better at doing all those things!

Tony said...

EuroYank ~ Always always great to hear your take on matters and ideas and I am grateful for your input. However, some of us chose a higher road than just "buy the bitch" and realize there is a price to pay no matter which choice we make. My choice does not mean it is the best choice or the choice I would recommend for someone else. It is just my choice... for Now. I also have the freedom to change my mind and thus my choice at any time in this Game of Life. Isn't that cool?

Tony said...

Thininfyou ~ I absolutely understand. Yeah, it would definitely be nice to be able to actually do "all those things". The up side of it is I have found that as we mature and age (maturing and aging are not necessarily intertwined or the same) it seems a lot of them just naturally fall into place if we are sincerely continuously working toward self-improvement and awareness of who we really are and our attempt to create a better world for all... beginning with ourselves.

EuroYank said...

Tony - You take the high road and I take the low road And I'll be in Scotland afore ye;
But me and my true love
Will never meet again
On the bonnie, bonnie banks of Loch Lomond.

'Twas then that we parted
In yon shady glen,
On the steep, steep side of Ben Lomond,
Where in purple hue
The Highland hills we view,
And the moon coming out in the gloaming.

Oh! ye'll take the high road and
I'll take the low road,
And I'll be in Scotland afore ye;
But me and my true love
Will never meet again
On the bonnie, bonnie banks of Loch Lomond.

The wee birdie sang
And the wild flowers spring,
And in sunshine the waters are sleeping,
But the broken heart it kens
Nae second Spring again,
Tho' the waeful may cease frae their greeting.

Oh! ye'll take the high road and
I'll take the low road,
And I'll be in Scotland afore ye;
But me and my true love
Will never meet again
On the bonnie, bonnie banks of Loch Lomond.

EuroYank said...

Tony - and I was not giving you INPUT it was OUTPUT! You are such a trip when you get down!

Tony said...

EuroYank ~ Interesting that you should interpret my Peace as being "down". I am not down, in any sense, my friend. In fact, I am quite "up" in that I have made tremendous progress on my fronts in my life.

Again, thank you for your comments.

EuroYank said...

Tony - By GETTING DOWN I meant getting real. Misinterpretation!
(By the way I like these little chats!)

Tony said...

EuroYank ~ Ah, my bad, dude. I did misinterpret your usage of the term inadvertently. "Getting Real" sounds like another good title for a post for me. Thanks for the suggestion and for making this post a highly commented one (big grin). You have once again proven the point that sometimes the real fun of the blog lies buried somewhere in the comments pages.

EuroYank said...

Tony - by the way, since I started commenting here, you listing in google has made a GREAT LEAP FORWARD number three under Bonez!

Ole Blue The Heretic said...

Very Zen like.

Tony said...

Ole Blue ~ In a sense it could be considered zen-ish but not really pure Zen enough to make it past those who are sticklers for such things. I consider it just good sense for a maturing and enlightened soul to consider. :)

Tony said...

EuroYank ~ My Google ranking fluctuates based on several factors but page ranking remains around 4. I come up at the top of the page on many items... most of them are ones I wish people would forget ... mostly from the early days of Bonez. (blush)

EuroYank said...

Tony - come on give me some credit huh? (like chatting here. friendly place and the moderator is a real person not a Bot)

JSW said...

funny... I'm working on the size 5/10 thing too and owning my thoughts with my within my friendships. And by funny I mean in a kawinky-dinky (sp?) sorta way.

I respect your blog, thank you being!

Tony said...

Thank you, JSW, for visiting Bonez and participating with your comments. It appears we are on similar spiritual paths with our maturing. I think it isn't really so mysterious as some would like to assume. It is a matter of spiritual progression for people who have awaken to the fact that there is more to life than just "living" and waiting to die.

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