Sunday, December 23, 2007

Them Good Ol' Days - 1977 JC Penney Catalog

~ Posted for Carol M. from e-mail submission~
JC Penny Catalog 1977
A JC Penney catalog from 1977. It's not often blog fodder just falls in my lap, but holy hell this was two solid inches of it, right there for the taking. I thumbed through it quickly and found my next dining room set, which is apparently made by adding upholstery to old barrels:
barrel tables
Also, I am totally getting this for my bathroom:
green bathroom
There's plenty more home furnishings where those came from, however I'm not going to bore you with that. Instead, I'm going to bore you with something else. The clothes. The clothes are fantastic.

Here's how to get your ass kicked in elementary school:
elementary school 1977
Just look at that belt. It's like a boob-job for your pants. He probably needed help just to lift it into place. The belt loops have to be three inches long. And way to pull the m up to your armpits, grandpa.

Here's how to get your ass kicked in high school:
high school 1977
This kid looks like he's pretending to be David Soul, who is pretending to be a cop who is pretending to be a pimp that everyone knows is really an undercover cop. Who is pretending to be 15.

Here's how to get your ass kicked on the golf course:
jumpsuit
This "all purpose jumpsuit" is, according to the description, equally appropriate for playing golf or simply relaxing around the house. Personally, I can't see wearing this unless you happen to be relaxing around your cell in D-block. Even then, the only reason you should put this thing on is because the warden made you, and as a one-piece, it's slightly more effective as a deterrent against ass-rape.

Here's how to get your ass kicked pretty much anywhere:
pajamas 1977
If you look at that picture quickly, it looks like Mr. Bob "No-pants" Saget has his hand in the other guy's pocket. In this case, he doesn't, although you can tell just by looking at them that it's happened - or if it hasn't happened it will.. Oh yes. It will. As soon as he puts down his matching coffee cup.

Here's how to get your ass kicked at the beach:
beachwear 1977
He looks like he's reaching for a gun, but you know it's probably just a bottle of suntan lotion in a holster.

How to get your ass kicked in a meeting:
1977 suit
If you wear this suit and don't sell used cars for a living, I believe you can be fined and face serious repercussions, up to and including termination. Or imprisonment, in which case you'd be forced to wear that orange jumpsuit.

How to get your ass kicked on every day up to and including St. Patrick's Day:
St. Patrick's Day Suit 1977
Dear god in heaven, I don't believe that color exists in nature There is NO excuse for wearing either of these ensembles unless you're working as a body guard for the Lucky Charms leprechaun.

In this next one, Your Search For VALUE Ends at Penneys:
value at penneys
As does your search for chest hair.

And this -- Seriously. No words.
1977 urban cowboy
Oh wait, it turns out that there are words after all. Those words are What. The ? I'm guessing the snap front gives you quick access to the chest hair. The little tie must be the pull tab.

Also, judging by the sheer amount of matching his/hers outfits, I'm guessing that in 1977 it was considered pretty stylish for couples to dress alike. These couples look happy, don't they?
blue couple
white couple
I am especially fond of this one, which I have entitled "Cowboy Chachi Loves You Best"
cowboy chachi
And nothing showcases your everlasting love more than the commitment of matching bathing suits. That, and a blonde girl with a look on her face that says "I love the way your junk fights against that fabric."
swim couple
Then, after the lovin', you can relax in your one-piece matching terry cloth jumpsuits:
terry cloth jumpsuits
I could go on, but I'm tired, and my eyes hurt from this trip back in time. I think it's the colors. That said, I will leave you with these tasteful little numbers:
1977 Sexy
Man, that's sexy.

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2 comments:

Invisible Woman said...

Just....damn!


(That was one of the funniest posts I've ever read btw)

Dave Splash said...

Wasn't that guy in the beach outfit on 'The Fall Guy' TV show?

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