Wednesday, August 22, 2007

I See Genitals

Stela AksumAdapted from The Sixth Sense:

Omyword: I see genitals.
Doctor Jung: In your dreams? [Omyword shakes her head no]
Doctor Jung: While you're awake? [Omyword nods]
Doctor Jung: Genitals like, in graves? In coffins?
Omyword: Walking and standing around like regular people and things. They don't see each other. They only see what they want to see. They don't know they are genitals.
Doctor Jung: How often do you see them?
Omyword: All the time. They're everywhere.

I have been accused, and have readily accepted it as truth, that I see genitals in everything. I see mostly penises. But a vagina pops up now and then. When doing time in Huntsville, Alabama, I visited the Space Museum and got all disgusted because it was just a big place full of penises, powered by rocket-fueled gonads, and thrusting us all into the "exploration of space." There were some womb-like landing pods in the Space Museum, but they didn't count. As in regular life, the thrusting gets us into trouble; the pods bring us safely home.

Evidently, Alabama legislators have had quite enough of penis-shaped objects too.

There are more museums full of pullulating protuberances. Check out the Phallological Museum in Iceland. I also hear rumors of an erotica museum in Russia that will house Rasputin’s penis. (An 11.8 incher). Evidently many people have claimed they were in possession of Rasputin's penis over the years, including his daughter. But when she died, it was discovered to be only a sea cucumber. (I am not saying a word.)

Then there are all these war monuments strewn across the world; obelisks (read about obelisks on Wikipedia, if you can get past the 147 utterances of the word erect as well as the oft-used, at least in my house, re-erect), monoliths, stelea, towers, cranes, high-rises, ladders, peace poles, all dedicated to getting someone or something UP.

O'Keefe Vagina Artwork"And what about those vaginae?"

I'm sure you're saying right now. Out loud. At work. (I just learned that word, vaginae. I may have to use it again.)

Well, of course, there was the painter Georgia O'Keefe. She was pretty obsessed with vaginae, I think.

My boyfriend was the first one to point out to me how the Virgin of Guadalupe looks like a vagina. Even though I have her image everywhere (belt buckle, purse, tight-fitting T-shirt, graven images in front of which I dance naked), I had never really seen the vagina there. But now I do. Thanks to him. Before, all I saw were those pointy spikes shooting out from her body.

Am I deviant? (Well Lisa, we tried to tell you.) Or just observant? I decided to settle this, once and for all, and take the Rorschach test. If I’m obsessed with sex, it will surely be revealed during the test. So I found this website that has a bunch of whiny mumbo-jumbo at the top. Just ignore it and scroll on down to see some sample ink blots. Jot down the first thing you think of when you see each of the 10 images. Then compare your answers to my answers, in teenie-weenie (I'm not insinuating anything) font below. Enjoy!

I. Two wicked witches on brooms, carrying a large teddy bear between them. II. Two ducks playing patty cake over a campfire. III. Two African women cooking stew with steam rising between them and birds flying behind them. IV. They made a rug out of Big Foot. That's his penis at the bottom, center. V. A bat. VI. America imploding, with a mushroom cloud at the top, and the tell-tale signs of the head of a penis thrusting out of the of the cloud. I blame the penises in Washington. VII. Two thumbs up with 60's cuffs. VIII. A big crab getting ready to eat his dinner. IX. There's this little doll behind a flat metal screen. The top of her head and her eyes peep over the top. Her little hands and feet stick out of holes in the screen. X. A flying ant eater with a baby in its womb and a child flying behind.

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Hahn at Home said...

Pretty funny--I see female genitalia everywhere--in the foothills of California, in every freakin' California flower, in the patters on my driveway. We may need help.

OMYWORD! said...

Hey hahn at home - I think we are just geniuses and symbolically attentive. Wait 'til some psychologists weigh in though. uh-oh.

Doodface said...

I can clearly see your nuts! *rimshot*
Sorry, I had to. It would seem to me that if you see genetalia in everything in the world, you are either a 12 year old boy, extremely horny, or just a little crazy.

Tony said...


I take seeing genitalia everywhere as a sign of creative genius and a heightened appreciation of the beautiful natural art that surrounds us daily. There is art in objects and people.

Omyword has shared a deep confession with a world of strangers and I am grateful for her openness and honesty in this private disclosure. She obviously qualifies under your "extremely horny" category but I don't see her as even remotely crazy and she's definitely not a 12 year-old boy (woo woo). In fact, OMyWord! may be one of the most sane people in all of France right now. And yes, I realize that may not be saying much or instilling any further confidence in her observations and comments :)

OMYWORD! said...

I tried to be a 12 year old boy but I didn't make the cut.

Horniness is creative energy. I have an abundance of creative energy.

Everybody sees the same things as I do, they just don't admit it. :-)

E said...

I grew up near the "Space Penii" of Huntsville, AL. I guess that explains a lot.

Space Camp ruined that place, by the way.

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