Thursday, July 19, 2007

An Experiment....

Harry Potter intently watched the pirated video of Britney Spears' boobs on his iPhone.
"If the RIAA or MPAA ever caught wind that I was watching an illegally downloaded movie of these tits on an Apple phone..." he thought to himself. His thoughts no longer on sex, he tossed the iPhone aside and picked up his iPod to listen to the latest podcast from Fox News. Story after story on Scooter Libby and all that rubbish on the Valerie Plame affair assaulted his ears. The democrats were pulling another power move and were attempting to place the blame on George Bush and Dick Cheney again.
"Damn liberals", he thought to himself. "Republicans know damn well that Al Qaeda and the terrorists want nothing more than to take away freedoms, our American Idol and our porn. He loaded up Google to find the exact address for the Wikipedia page on WWE, thinking this might calm him down. Suddenly, his screen darkened and then switched to the dreaded blue screen of death.
"Damn you Microsoft!" he roared, as he threw his NASCAR cup at the wall. "Fucking Windows XP!!!" he cried. "I should have bought Windows Vista or at least used Firefox instead of Internet Explorer!!!"
"I have probably got a virus infection or a load of spyware due to the torrents and P2P I've been using", he sighed to himself. Oh well, even with the desktop down, he still had his PowerBook that was setup to use Linux. Pushing the stack of Pokemon cards off the top of it, he opened it up and turned it on. Back to the internet he went in search of the latest football and baseball scores. He paused to look up nominations for the Emmy Awards and the Oscars. He wondered if the Transformers would get a nod. He knew many Christians, Muslims, Atheists, Buddhists, Hindus and Jews that thoroughly enjoyed that film. He thought of loading up World of Warcraft to have a go with his character, "Jesus Mohammed", but opted instead to play some Runescape. Finding himself bored, he opted instead to search for a Disney based poker game, but his searches returned nothing but "hot xxx virgins" and "barely legal webcam whores". Sighing to himself, he closed down his computer and resigned himself to an evening of Halo 3.

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4 comments:

OMYWORD! said...

This post sent me off in click-a-link land. I especially liked the wiki asshole link for Bush. I actually read that page and learned for the first time that arse and ass are too different things! Ahhh...the wonders of a college education through blogging. Please explain more about your experiment

E said...

Thank you for the comment. :) The experiment is thus: On the right hand side of Bonez there is the Top Hits List. The top entry "NSFW Video of Hot Cam Babe Stripping" has been number one for over a year now. I got to thinking about why that was. The obvious answer would be the search terms that lead to it. babe, NSFW, stripping, video. These are all popular search terms. So, in a bid to unseat the top entry in an expedient fashion, I devised a plan wherein I would jampack an article with as many hot search terms as I could. I hit trends pages for Google, Yahoo, MSN, AOL and AltaVista to get a good cross-section of what is popular at the moment. Knowing that links increase the chance of hits, I made sure to link the hell out of everything. I'm curious as to whether or not this will work. If not, at least there's a marginally entertaining piece of absurdist prose on the blog. If it does, I shall be a king amongst men. :)

OMYWORD! said...

ahhhh. got it. But it's still at the top of the top hits postaroonies so...what can we deduce? adduce? reduce? Porn wins, hands down. I'm off to write some.

E said...

Humorously enough, I had the same thought yesterday. NSFW Video of Hot Cam Babe Stripping was finally supplanted by 2003 Miss Reef Brazil Bikini Contest. Though so far the experiment has been unsuccessful, I don't consider it down for the count yet. It could eventually make its way to the list. Oh well, guess I need to change my posting habits and focus more on HOT NAKED WOMEN than things that interest me aside from HOT NAKED WOMEN. :)

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